You may have heard recent reports of planes full of biscuits being flown in to combat the current shortage (due to flooding in factories across England). The teatime essential we in Britain hold dear, is always at the top of one’s shopping list. Luckily it seems that we can go back to digesting Digestives, but imagine the trauma if this daily staple was off the shelves for an entire week…


Sandra recounts a painful week she and her husband Jim had to face due to the biscuit shortage


Day 1

‘Sandra, put the kettle on, love? And see if we’ve got any custard creams?’

It turns out we’re out, but we manage to get by on a pack of stale rich teas.

Day 2

‘So I went to the shops today and couldn’t find any biscuits, Jim’

‘You’re jooooking’

‘It’s ridiculous, I even popped to the corner shop. Twice’

‘Don’t worry about it, we’ll have our cuppa on its own then’ says Jim, not realising the unquestionable difficulty of the action in question.

Day 3

By now we have foraged our entire home three times in the hope of finding an unfinished packet of Bourbons in a trouser pocket or an Oreo in a bedside drawer. We do find a biscuit tin but it turns out to be filled with haberdashery.

Enough is enough. I go online to write an angry worded email to our local supermarket about this despicable biscuit deficit, while Jim curses every time a biscuit ad pops up on telly.

  

Day 4

I wake up and surprise surprise, they haven’t replied. I then realise I could’ve just ordered online. Oh no wait I can’t, it’s all out of stock. Except on this one site, but they’re charging £40 for a tub of all your family favourites and it says delivery can be between 6-8 weeks. Better not, seems risky.

Jim awakens, less than amused. He’s had a dream about a custard cream themed water park, and now any reality is lame in comparison.

While he gets ready, I nip out to the corner shop. Still no luck, but I did find some Jaffa Cakes. Yep that debate all over again. For the purpose of an enjoyable breakfast, we say in our hearts and minds ‘they’re biscuits, they’re biscuits, they’re biscuits’

But it just doesn’t feel right. Cakes through and through it seems.

Day 5

This is now becoming a serious crisis. We mention our frustrations to the neighbours, EVERYONE is talking about it on the bus, in the news and there was even mention of it in parliament. A statement was released by McVities apologising ‘for any inconvenience this may have caused’
That night, riots broke out in central London. The police struggled to contain the angry protestors. Oh crumbs.

Day 6

We learnt to appreciate the simpler things in life. Like Ritz Crackers.

Then we signed a petition.

Day 7

Today we realised that we can no longer stay in a biscuit-less country. Good riddance.


Sandra and Jim are currently in the USA and although have a house filled with biscuits, Cadbury Chocolate just doesn’t taste the same there. Oh dear.

Advertisements